July 20th, 2011
- Sell something I write:
Idioms are coming along. I'm not sure how I want to layout the information so I'm going to be asking for suggestions. If anyone has any input, I'd love to hear it. I have the title of the idiom/phrase/saying/proverb thing which is about one sentence or so. Then I have the history/explanation/example which is about 2-3 sentences in length. Then there's my crap which is a numbered or bulleted list of how I interpret the idiom/phrase/proveb, about 3-5 items-- perhaps as long as this paragraph.
Funny,... I'm talking about the "layout" when I should really be worried about the content. I'm hesitant to submit it anywhere and am thinking about vanity pressing the sum'bitch and peddle it myself. I can sit outside bookstores barking, "Get your crap filled books here, now!" It would be fun to meet with people and sign books I wrote and watch them walk away admiring the cover like it's a shiny new toy. And again later when they come back to shake my hand and say, "I want my $5.99 back for this crap you sold me." It'll be the same way I end every garage sale I've been a part of, "You touched it, you bought it... It's your pet rock now."
Here's a sample of what I'm trying to do...
Title: He casts a large shadow
Meaning: Usually means a person is important, that this person casts a larger shadow because of the respect, experiences, and wisdom s/he might employ.
My take:
- You cast your line when fishing and you cast a broken limb, but you don’t really do anything for your shadow. Your shadow pretty much just appears and you’ll say, “Hey, there’s my shadow, and it looks like me”. You might want to respect your shadow once in a while, you've probably neglected him for some time.
- Sometimes a gust of wind just blows your clothes up and out and it appears like a large shadow. I like when that happens to skirts.
- Sometimes people cast a large shadow because they have a large puffy coat on, like in winter. Doesn’t mean they are more important, just temperature aware.
- Yeah, he’s just fat and his shadow is fat. Fat shadow.
Thoughts? Let's write this together and then I'll keep any of the money "we" get for the collaborative effort.
- Lose 20 pounds
Gained some traction on this. I'm exercising more, eating better, and dare I say, "drinking less". I found out that if I force myself to look at a mirror when I get out of the shower every day (and I shower naked, that's just how I roll), it motivates me to work out that day. I take a moment, maybe 5 seconds, to look myself up and down. And as the disgust I feel in my core starts to turn my stomach over, I realize that I'm pretty f'ing ugly naked ...or otherwise. Honestly, it's a great way to start my day.
"I gotta work out today. Maybe focus on these trouble areas, right here, and here, and over here, and all of this...And, huh? What is that even?"
And as I turn to see my profile and notice that I'm the same shape sideways as I am straight on, I get that "Rocky 3" moment (it's one of those Rocky movies) where he looks up at the mirror, pounds both fists on either side -cue Eye of the Tiger- and then starts an intense workout. That's how I feel, every day, sans intense workout.
It'll all come out in the wash.
- Kids should think I'm cool
Photo Evidence that I'm making progress. Exhibit 1:
They came running up to me, I didn't bribe or threaten them this time. Extra points: Only one of those kids is mine, yet they all think I'm cool.
Photo Evidence that I'm making progress. Exhibit 2:
Me explaining a close brush with a black bear at Rehab where it took a nip of my ring finger. They totally think I'm cool. Don't let Sam's crossed arms be mistaken for disbelief, he's protecting his heart from attack because he knows I'm strong enough to reach in, pull it out, show him it's still beating and put it back in without leaving my chair or messing up my hair.
- Lower my commitment to alcohol
We did have a couple of parties the last couple of weeks, but I was a pretty good boy. I've cut down on the amount and the frequency, which is pretty much admitting you have a problem right there. But I've never denied having a problem, I'm just saying I could do better. I'm sure there's a place in everyone's life where they feel they could do better. Not to list names but here are some examples...
Some people could:
- Whine less
- Wine less
- Study less
- Laugh more
- Care less
- Care more
- Smile more
- Lie (noun) less
- Lie (verb) more
- Be genuine to yourself and others
- Call more
- Listen more
I won this week.
My scoring structure below is the first one to reach 7 wins.
: Alcohol 5, Brad 4.
___________________________
July 7th, 2011
- Sell something I write:
Finished more idioms and I have some feedback on the content from some respectable editors I know; and these are quotes so I'm not going to add the punctuation to each:
- Your spelling is top notch.
- You have a humorous tone, it's just not funny writing.
- I've read worse.
- You explain the idiom, and then you put your own spin on it, and then-- never mind, I think I get what you're trying to do. Stop doing it. Write what you know.
- I liked #6, 8, 26, and 43. You might want to revisit the others or just start with these four when you submit to a publisher. You can fill in junk later.
But the best feedback was from my second favorite editor... Not so much what she said, but because she was the only one doing what she was supposed to... but it still stings a little:
- I took your script to the bathroom with me since you do that paid to poop thing, and I gotta tell ya, I don't like it. It's funny in part, but the whole of it didn't improve my experience on the pot. Sorry.
But I don't care, I still think it's funny. And since I made all that crap above up in the last few minutes, I think I'm prepared for editors to toss pages at me and point their bony finger at the door, I've had that. So I'm still working on it, hope to submit something in the next few months, but if I know me (and I'm sad that I do) I'll procrastinate long enough to say, "But school's back in and Fantasy Football may or may not start so I'm going to be busy." Blah, blah, annoying.
- Lose 20 pounds
Same weight as two weeks ago. It's over eating and under exercising, it's really that simple. This week I have started running again and watching less food as it enters my eating perimeter. I'm on watch.
- Kids should think I'm cool
- Lower my commitment to alcohol
I'm turning it around this week. There are no more weddings, no catered and open bar baseball games, no holidays involving black powder, alcohol, and slip-n-slides.
So I think I'll be on track to win this thing to 7. Besides, I'm the one keeping score so there's a good chance I'll make it. Heck, I haven't had a drink today and started writing this -- see how funny it is?
Oh, here's a pic of me drinking on the 4th of July party on the 3rd of July:
Yes, that's water! Still failed overall this last two weeks.
My scoring structure below is the first one to reach 7 wins.
: Alcohol 5, Brad 3.
__________________________
June 22nd, 2011
- Sell something I write:
Nothing on this front. I don't have anything in the works with ETS at the moment as the Hasbro work I recently did for them hasn't posted to their site yet and may not, but I still got paid. But I'm quickly realizing that I love positive comments as much as I like positive cash flow. But I get more out of the comments. I still want to write for a living and I met with an old friend this last week who recently started reading my stuff. He had positive feedback for me and I'm all about listening to that; especially coming from someone I respect.
His suggestion: write screenplays.
His suggestion: write screenplays.
Keep in mind, we were both drinking and at a bachelor party, but the things he said were inspiring and I think I remember some of them. It's not because I was drinking, it's just really difficult to look another man in the eye and have a serious conversation while you're both getting lap dances from Trixie and Harmony. Sure, I can't remember exactly what he said, but I remember their names.
Right in the middle of "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover" he looked at me and said,
"Dude, you shouldtitty think about writingbuttcheek screenplays."
"tittyReally? tittyWhy?ass What makes you thinkthighrub I could write screenplayshairflip... What's a screenplay?"
"You have the abilityshoulderblade to write and elicit happiness and anger, butbutt those are easy. You have the talentpingpongball to engage other emotions and that might be well suitedtitty to a screenplay of some kind."
Maybe he's right. Maybe I can write screenplays. Perhaps that's my next investigative writing avenue. Just one more thing to start and not finish. I'm really good at doing that- although I did finish that lap dance. High-five!
So, maybe I'll write the sequel to "The Princess Bride", I'd watch that. Maybe another "Rocky", or I could funny-up "Platoon"-- I'll call it: "Platooon". That's a great idea because for each follow up you just have to add another "o" and it nails it! "The Breakfast Club" could use a second movie, the original cast is still looking for work, but I wouldn't hire them. I'd call it "Lunchtime" and cast Sophia Vegara and Angelina Jolie and they'd sit in an outdoor diner eating sandwiches, milkshakes, Popsicles, and ice cream cones. Cut! Wrap! Print!
So I have some thinking to do, not my strong suit, but I have dabbled in one screenplay writing exercise. It made me tired and I quit. I'll take another look. Thanks, John, for your kind words and encouragement.
So I have some thinking to do, not my strong suit, but I have dabbled in one screenplay writing exercise. It made me tired and I quit. I'll take another look. Thanks, John, for your kind words and encouragement.
- Lose 20 pounds
Down 2 pounds this week. That's pretty good considering I had a bachelor party and a wedding to attend...Which was OFF THE HOOK! That's what the kids are saying these days. That and "You shouldn't dance, Brad. Ever." They say that. So I'm running a bit but it's weird that 3.1 miles now is more difficult than the 5.3 miles I was running the same time last year. But I am wearing my BodyMedia to help track calorie burn and other things. It's expensive, and what I really need is just an armband that does nothing but spit out audible "motivators" every 3 minutes:
"Fat butt"
"Stop sitting"
"Go run"
"Stop eating"
"Your face is fat"
"Can you see your penis without bending over your own belly to peek?"
"Dance more"
"Take the stairs"
"Ride a bike"
"Have more sex...With a person."
It's all about portion control for me. If I could just train myself to stop or slow down or even breathe between shovelings, I might eat a bit less. It'll work out. I have a goal to lose a certain amount of weight before Gwen's 20 year reunion so she doesn't have to introduce me as her fat uncle. I want people to say things like, "Hey, you look great! You look the same as you did at our 10 year." There's a good chance this might take place:
"Brad, I've seen you before. You look fantastic for someone your age and body shape. I just can't place it... Was it our 10 year? No, maybe at a ball game or grocery store...OH, I KNOW..."
"Hi Trixie."
"Fat butt"
"Stop sitting"
"Go run"
"Stop eating"
"Your face is fat"
"Can you see your penis without bending over your own belly to peek?"
"Dance more"
"Take the stairs"
"Ride a bike"
"Have more sex...With a person."
It's all about portion control for me. If I could just train myself to stop or slow down or even breathe between shovelings, I might eat a bit less. It'll work out. I have a goal to lose a certain amount of weight before Gwen's 20 year reunion so she doesn't have to introduce me as her fat uncle. I want people to say things like, "Hey, you look great! You look the same as you did at our 10 year." There's a good chance this might take place:
"Brad, I've seen you before. You look fantastic for someone your age and body shape. I just can't place it... Was it our 10 year? No, maybe at a ball game or grocery store...OH, I KNOW..."
"Hi Trixie."
- Kids should think I'm cool
School is out for summer so they don't need to think I'm cool. All I've done for them so far is put a 10'X35' piece of black plastic in our sloped yard for a serious slip-n-bleed. We'll watch some outdoor movies and go to Rehab often, but no trips planned this year. I mentioned in the last update I should just remove this part but I'll leave it in here because I'm sure to screw up along the way and need to earn some points.
- Lower my commitment to alcohol
I'm still not very good at this... Surprise! The last couple of weeks have been really bad with the bachelor party and wedding mixed with terrific neighbors, a crappy economy to complain about, companies doing layoffs, people losing houses, strippers accepting coupons for lap dances, two Thursday's, and a liquor store clerk who knows me well enough to want me to write liquor reviews. That last one is really going to challenge my commitment.
Epic fail this week. Back on track for the next round. Next round? Bad choice of terms. My scoring structure below is the first one to reach 7 wins. Ouch. I'm thirsty.
Epic fail this week. Back on track for the next round. Next round? Bad choice of terms. My scoring structure below is the first one to reach 7 wins. Ouch. I'm thirsty.
: Alcohol 4, Brad 3.
____________________________
June 3rd, 2011
June 3rd, 2011
- Sell something I write:
I could sell my own blood and make more money than what I'm getting for my writing. Hell, I could sell someone else's blood and make even more. I guess it doesn't help that I don't update this blog often enough to encourage interest. I just have this self doubt thing going on that I've never been able to shake--
"I know I tightened the oil pan drain plug, but I better crawl under and make sure... Yep, sure did."
Maybe I should sell my own blood. I know what you're saying: "You have to write well or at least write something I'm interested in for me to buy it." I get that a lot, weird. I thought I could just write a bunch of stuff and everyone would flock to it and write checks or give blow jobs- both acceptable currency- but the truth is; I'm only getting one of those types of payments...
and I'm perfectly happy.
Although having some money would be nice to purchase some flowers once in a while.
- Lose 20 pounds
Back on the program! Got my BodyMedia fit plugged in and tracking intake and logging miles. Feels good to get back out there and start losing the weight. Feels even better to eat pizza rolls and Pop Tarts while drinking a 40oz in front of The Biggest Loser. But I am getting some exercise while I shake my booty to the short version of Hey Jude on Just Dance 2. It's slower than most songs, but offers the most opportunities for me to catch my breath.... and step. Everyone who knows me knows I can't dance, but it's not from a lack of trying.
Whatever-- maybe fat looks good on me. Maybe I look in the mirror every day after a shower and think to myself, "You look good for your age". Maybe I even flex in front of the steam covered mirror and ignore the distorted image because clearly there is some light altering happening there. And maybe I've been at a carnival where in a span of 15 minutes I've cost the fat guesser his job by cleaning out his inventory, and I grossly acknowledged that the "fat" mirror in the fun house would be an excellent slimming tool in my own house. Fat doesn't look good on me, and not just for vanity reasons... I have health concerns as well.
Sure, I want hot chicks to hold my stare for just that split second longer when we both start feeling like this could be a little awkward. But those days are gone-- not sadly... Just that when hot chick looks at me now, I'm guessing they are thinking something like:
"I hope he doesn't pass out and leave a death-sweat on that machine" or...
"Someone's fucking that?" or...
"I wonder if he knows my dad?"
All of those are better than what I actually envision above their heads. I see little cartoon bubbles which simply say, "Ewwwww." But the reality is that it's about my health and being around a long time for my wife and liabilities. Good health is just a more supportive vehicle for what you want to do in life. If I just wanted to sit around and watch monster trucks on the television, I'd say I'm in excellent health right now. If I want to continue to earn a certain type of payment for my writing or return the favor in recreational "income", then I'd better get in shape.
I wanna be in shape, 'cause I wanna get paid... You know what I'm sayin' G?
- Kids should think I'm cool
"Check it out-- This trooper pooped a $20 bill,... must be yours."
Anti-suddenly, I'm not the cool one anymore and I can't compete. I won't compete. I don't need to be cool, I need to be a parent. I don't know how to do that just yet, but at least I can acknowledge the problem. I also know when to quit when I'm ahead. So I'm going to take them on another Disneyland trip and seal this deal and put a check mark next to this item as soon as possible. In the meantime, if anyone can teach me that slight-of-hand trick where you take a coin out of someone's ear or even a 20-spot out of a troopers ass, I'd love to learn.
- Lower my commitment to alcohol
I've purchased less. I seem to be drinking less which has a direct impact on my writing, hence the month since this last update. That needs to stop. If I want people to read me, and I want to be a better writer, I must write and rewrite. Drinking leads to writing. I'm a bit drunk now.
"Nooooooooo."
Yeah, it's true. Odd, I know. It's 12:30am Saturday morning and in 3.5 hours I will have been awake for 24 hours. Not a big deal, I know, but I've been drunk for 9 of those hours. That's a little over a third of the day-- new math. That's probably not healthy. I'm going to mark this as a minor victory because I tend to drink fewer days, just heavier amounts on those days. As opposed to drinking every day but just a little bit and calling it "occasional drinking". I can drink for every occasion, including a lack of an occasion which is an occasion itself-- including writing.
So I need to do more of it.
In my head, that makes sense.
: Alcohol 3, Brad 3.
May 5th, 2011
Resolution Update Continued:
- Sell something I write:
Check! Enter The Studio paid me for the Hasbro's Family Game Night stuff I did. I haven't heard on whether it's posted out there or not, but if you're interested you can see/play some of my other stuff here and here. I'm still working on the idioms and it's coming along. I just have to finish it, shop it, deal with rejection, vanity press it myself, and then sell it at grocery stores behind a foldout table and a bagged bottle of booze. I'll sign it with my own tears.
Worst case: I've written it, read some to Gwen, and we both laughed.
Ok, I just did something I don't like. "Worst case". My #1 motto that can be applied to absolutely anything is:
"It could have been worse."
You can apply that to any situation and just add or subtract one and your situation would/could be worse. Using my example above, we could not have laughed or she could not have laughed... Hey wait a minute... What if she's just laughing because she feels sorry for me? Or what if it's that same old thing where she's going to find it funny because she likes me? I guess that's where the publisher's will step in. And now I'm off topic again. Wonderful.
Still looking for freelance writing work, still focused on getting these idioms done and still have not submitted anything to cracked.com. But that's because I'm lazy.
- Lose 20 pounds
- Kids should think I'm cool
Other than Drake because he's still young and I make him sandwiches, the other two aren't coming around so much. But it's my fault. I don't think I play with them enough. It seems we are all so busy, that I think I'll find some time later-- which means that if we still had a cradle in the house, I'd probably find a cat in there. Go listen to that and tell me you don't feel at least a little bad about something.
Ok, so more playing, maybe even some teaching. They'll get back on track and I'll be able to get that stupid song out of my head. But tomorrow is Friday and I'll be gettin' down on Friday, fun, fun, fun, fun!
- Lower my commitment to alcohol:
I'm actually doing pretty good at this one over the last month or so. I'd even pat myself on the back but there's a monkey there telling me to get back to writing and that I'm fat. Stupid monkey. I guess I can consider myself back on the wagon (which means not drinking), but I'm passed out drunk on my back just looking for a ride to the next bar. And going to a bar in a wagon sounds totally awesome and you know it. So I'm not really "on the wagon" because I'm not abstaining, I'm just doing what the title of this resolution is; I'm lowering my commitment to alcohol.
I have a ways to go on all fronts. We just finished the first quarter on this, which gives me 9 more months to get better. I'm just glad there aren't any reunions or functions I have to go to...Oh, Gwen just told me her 20 year is this summer. Fantastic. One more opportunity for her to be disappointed.
I can see it: She'll be mingling with her younger, thinner, less whiny high school girls and boys while an aging drunken mess lurks in the corner. I'll be there with a beer bottle in one hand with a donut rested around the rim (it's a good holder), and a peanut butter and honey sandwich in the other. I'll be complaining about gas prices, and how much older I am than the rest of them-- oh and I'll say something about being a writer but it will be muddled and lack any confidence. I may even wet myself. I'll glance around the room and no matter where I look all I see is Gwen bounding from group to group, having fun and making fun.
But at the end of the night when I'm done packing up a bunch of unsold books, and saying good-bye to all the young-uns with an ignored outstretched hand like a leper at a high-five contest, Gwen will come skipping over, give me a big hug, and say something like, "You were really fun tonight." And then, the same way this type of story always ends:
The pretty girl ends up going home with the total douche.
I'm proud to be that douche!
I have a ways to go on all fronts. We just finished the first quarter on this, which gives me 9 more months to get better. I'm just glad there aren't any reunions or functions I have to go to...Oh, Gwen just told me her 20 year is this summer. Fantastic. One more opportunity for her to be disappointed.
I can see it: She'll be mingling with her younger, thinner, less whiny high school girls and boys while an aging drunken mess lurks in the corner. I'll be there with a beer bottle in one hand with a donut rested around the rim (it's a good holder), and a peanut butter and honey sandwich in the other. I'll be complaining about gas prices, and how much older I am than the rest of them-- oh and I'll say something about being a writer but it will be muddled and lack any confidence. I may even wet myself. I'll glance around the room and no matter where I look all I see is Gwen bounding from group to group, having fun and making fun.
But at the end of the night when I'm done packing up a bunch of unsold books, and saying good-bye to all the young-uns with an ignored outstretched hand like a leper at a high-five contest, Gwen will come skipping over, give me a big hug, and say something like, "You were really fun tonight." And then, the same way this type of story always ends:
The pretty girl ends up going home with the total douche.
I'm proud to be that douche!
: Alcohol 3, Brad 2.
_______________________
March 28th, 2011
Resolution Update Continued:
- Sell something I write:
...
I wrote a poem back in 1993 after my Aunt Daisy died (that wasn't her real name, nor a porn name, her real name was Bertha-- but she was more like a "Daisy" than a "Bertha"). Anyway, I wrote the following poem right after she died and I'm sharing it here because it was before I had kids or had Gwen and I don't think I knew what I was talking about back then, but I just wrote the words in about 10 minutes or less and sent it via snail mail to someone.
They wrote it up in calligraphy or some other goofy font, returned it to me in a frame and it's hung on my wall ever since because I'm afraid that person is going to come over one day and if it's not up, I'm gonna look like a giant ass. I don't have a soft copy of it-- just this 1993 outdated, speckled gray frame around some words that I didn't realize were true and relevant at the time nor that they would entice a slow, creeping realization that my turn is coming...
It's not good, it is goofy and poorly written, and I'm not a writer or a photographer, but with the recent death of Uncle Jim, I wanted to write something new for my Aunt Betty (her real name, and she is a "betty"-- look it up at here).
But I couldn't.
I don't have anything to say about his death or Aunty Betty's plight that isn't obvious and trite, nor do I have anything to say to make anyone (or myself) feel any better about it... I will say this: I think I just used the word "nor" three times so far in the same day and I'm pretty sure I'm using it wrong.
I have many fond memories of the two Uncle Jim's that Aunt Betty has outlived. I love my Aunt Betty and you'd all be better for knowing her-- You can catch her (if you're quick) on her daily walks inside the Seatac Mall (everyone who's cool is still calling it by it's original name). She and her group of friends have been doing it for 20+ years. Just keep walking.
Go call your own "Aunt Betty" or "Uncle Jim" and maybe let 'em know you care-- even if you don't... Then wait about 20 minutes and call her back and say the exact same thing and she'll say, "Honey, you just called a few minutes ago." start crying and say something like, "My memory just seems to get worse and worse, why is yours like a steel trap?"
You'll hear her smile.
Goal this week: Write 15 idioms. Stop crying. Investigate cracked.com
- Lose 20 pounds:
Shhhhhhh!!! She doesn't think I'm fat or at least doesn't admit it to me. If she has admitted that to some of you, go ahead and keep that a secret between you guys.
Goal this week: Lose 3 pounds.
- Kids should think I'm cool:
However, I did just notice that I titled this resolution "Kids should think I'm cool". I recognize that as my personal defense mechanism. Totally non-committal. It's like saying something like, "I'm working on drinking less." It's a lie, but if you actually did drink less, you could call it a victory-- aaaaaannd celebrate with a beer.
My kids will think I'm cool mostly because I'm really good at pointing out all the other dads that are less cool. So when they see how low the bar is and then look at me lift a cankle to stumble over it--- we'll all awkwardly smile at each other, pretend that never happened, and one of us will break the silence with, "How 'bout them Mariners?"
- Lower my commitment to alcohol:
Still gaining weight? Check
Dead uncle? Check
Need to focus more on this? Check
Want to keep that hot wife of yours who's your best friend and still be around for your kids when they're 10 years older and 5 times in love?
Self Check.
: Alcohol 3, Brad 1.
_______________________
March 8th, 2011
Resolution Update Continued:
- Sell something I write:
I was encouraged to join cracked.com, so I did, and they aren't paying me either, but I think I have to submit something first. I'll work on that. So for this next 2 week update, I'll work on more idioms and investigate this cracked.com thing.
Oh, here's something pretentious: I was told I shouldn't post anything that I intend to get published. Publishers view that as previously published and therefore cannot purchase it. So I don't want to give examples of the idioms... which is really stupid because I'm probably going to have to vanity publish that thing anyway and then physically ask people to buy it. It's going to be much like when my kids drop a sizeable growler in the toilet and are so proud that they just have to show me. But I will admit, some of them are quite impressive--- maybe something like that will be said about my book
Goal this week: Write 15 idioms. Investigate cracked.com
- Lose 20 pounds:
When did I get so old? I've noticed I wear more clothes to the gym than I used to. These kids are in their tank-tops and gym shorts, girls are wearing booty shorts, sports bras, and make-up. I've got a T-shirt on underneath a zipped-up fleece jacket, a ball cap on my head--backwards so I'm cool-- some sweats and usually underwear. So I'm over dressed for the gym, but if I dressed any less you could see more of the fatness spilling out over the equipment, and nobody needs to see that. I like chatting about these younger, sexier people at the gym with my friends. I'm sure these younger, sexier people would appreciate the nice things we say about them. But I'm not sure I want to know what they say about old guys like me:
"Did you see that fat old chub lifting nickels and checking out the Breezies in the mirrors?"
"Yeah, he was creepy, and screamed like a girl."
"I'm gonna bounce him if he doesn't start wearing underwear to the gym."
I'm just guessing the conversation might go like that... Some of it's true.
Goal this week: Lose 3 pounds.
- Kids should think I'm cool:
They believe I love them when I thank and hug them for the silly notes they write for me at school. They even believe the hugs comfort me when we watch Phineas and Ferb together at night. Or they believe the crap I say like, "Hey, that was really nice of you to help your brother get his blankets." Or when I throw something out like, "You guys are always so good when we visit other people's houses, that's why we get to do the fun things you like to do all the time." They eat that crap up like it's candy and it makes them feel better about themselves and they keep doing good things. You see what I mean? They believe just about anything... I think I'll go tell them they make me happy --- Let's just see how far those little idiots will let me take 'em.
I hope all the way and forever.
Goal this week: Don't bean bag my kids.
- Lower my commitment to alcohol:
: Alcohol 2, Brad 1.
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February 17th, 2011
Resolution Update Continued:
- Sell something I write:
Writing is hard,... Well, I'm assuming good writing is difficult to do. What I'm doing is just the dribbling of a self-loathing retard so that's pretty easy. I started writing because I thought it would be cool to drink a lot, write some words, collect my checks in singles and hit the strip clubs. Here I am, several years later, and I've done all those things except that critical one in the middle; "collect my checks". However, I realized quite some time ago that making someone laugh from something I've written is reward enough- and in fact, my drug. I just can't buy lap dances with it.
Goal this week: Write 10 idioms.
- Lose 20 pounds:
Goal this week: Lose 2 pounds (which I can do in one sitting) Low bar.
- Kids should think I'm cool:
Goal this week: Don't hurt my kids.
- Lower my commitment to alcohol:
_____________________
February 5th, 2011
Resolution Update Continued:
It's the start of the second month, let's see how well I'm doing on my "resolutions":
- Sell something I write:
- Lose 20 pounds:
- Kids should think I'm cool:
- Lower my commitment to alcohol:
_________________
January 14th, 2011
We are a couple of weeks into the new year so I thought I'd give a 2-week update-- you know, because I think you care. But like most things, this is really about me, so I'm doing this because by discussing it, I might actually do it. Almost typed that without laughing. So here is an update on my bulleted "Resolution" list from the first of the year:
- Sell something I write:
- Lose 20 pounds:
- Kids should think I'm cool:
- Lower my commitment to alcohol:
Fish on!
