Black Friday, Black Friday

The Krazy Coupon Lady is a wonderful couponing site with an excellent sense of humor. I'm just saying that up front now because I'm going to poke a little fun in her direction (I know it's a business and not a single person) and want to be clear about "biting the hand that feeds". I may not submit any other articles as I really don't have anything constructive to say about anything, ever, so the chances of them spending more money on my writing is slim. But I want to be clear up front that I like their site and if you are couponing, you should add them to your list of perusals. 

Towards the bottom of this post is the second article I wrote and submitted to The Krazy Coupon Lady... but they didn't like it. Can't blame 'em, they were probably sore for the first check they lost on me. It's totally outdated now because it was about Black Friday and that was SOOOO three Friday's ago. But I liked their comments:

"The "boob comment" didn't help."

"Your tips were borderline."

I boobed to differ...begged, I meant begged -- because I think boob comments always help. My dad taught me that, Playboy taught me that, and my own field research taught me that. A nice boob comment makes everyone feel good, even the boob who says the boob comment. For example, a construction worker (because they like boobs more than the non-construction worker) whistles down to the street at an attractive girl who happens to have boobs and wore a particularly small shirt for the same reason I wear really tiny boys briefs:

"Hey honey, nice boobs!" He says while elbowing the ribs of his buddy.

"Shut up, Jackass!" She retorts angrily, but turns away with a satisfied smile.

Win-Win! He got the attention he was looking for and left the situation happy and satisfied. She also got the attention she was looking for and left the situation happy and satisfied. The big difference is that his comment was a nice compliment, hers was mean-spirited, but completely called-for. And everybody is happy. Why? Because of a boob comment! So when you say, "The "boob comment" didn't help.", I say, "I don't know what you're talking about, so here are some random pictures of boobs I've drawn, complete with nice comments."

Furthermore, my "tips were borderline"? On what border would these tips ever be considered seriously near any important line? If they wanted serious tips I could have given them things like this:

-- "Stay home and sleep in."

-- "Always bring your pepper spray."

-- "Tell other people their boobs look nice."

-- "Do your Christmas shopping in may, on any Friday."

-- "Hug more."

So, yeah, some of my more serious tips above overlap with the "borderline" tips in the horrible article below-- ... sorry, I'm still not comfortable with that word "borderline". Did the Krazy Coupon Lady read my introductory paragraph and think, "Ok, I'm about to learn something serious here about Black Friday. This guy is spitting the truth and I've got a line that I simply don't want crossed or even approached. So, if these tips are near that line that borders my tolerance for jackass' ... Well, I just can't accept that."?

Enough--- Geez. Sorry. Again, I'm just having fun, I know The Krazy Coupon Lady site is excellent for couponing and they help many people find and manage great deals. I also bet she has nice boobs. And now for the article that I first only wanted to share here because I wanted to get a song stuck in your head but then rambled like a retard...

Black Friday, Black Friday

It's that special time of year when, while driving, I sing The Temptations hit, “Earth Angel". However, I replace the words “Earth Angel" with "Black Friday" and my heart gets all warm and fuzzy. Google the lyrics and try it, you'll see what I mean. My wife is an extreme couponer who also happens to be a Black Friday mastermind. I'm a man who supports his wife's endeavors and reaps the rewards of what she sows. I am someone who gets to sleep in on Black Friday and awaken to the packages, products, and a plethora of huge savings. Like ten lords a leaping, my one Earth Angel takes Black Friday by storm. However, storms are not necessarily good, so here are a few tips to help ALL of us get through this day in style and grace.

1. Speed kills. Don't race your car like it's a Nascar sleigh. The life you save, may be mine. Go easy, and being prepared and efficient will make up way more time than any speeding. We want everybody around for the holidays.

2. No trampling other people. This is a time of peace and good will. Don't elbow someone's boob out of your way just because you want that 75% discount on boys briefs. Elbow boobs when it's 90% off, that's perfectly acceptable.

3. Don't wake your husband when you leave the house early in the morning. Not just on Black Friday, we're pretty much lazy every Friday.

4. Hugs. Give hugs. Husbands like hugs, but not like women do. If you want that iTouch at $80 off and there's another woman between you and those dollar signs; give her a hug and slowly turn her away as you tell her how pretty her hair smells this morning. Release the hug, grab the iTouch and scurry off. You've just made her day, and your 11 year old very happy.

5. Buy yourself something nice on Black Friday. You deserve it! You've spent the whole year saving money for your family by spending hours couponing and organizing and preparing for every shopping trip. Husbands understand your sacrifice and appreciate your efforts and nothing says, "I love you, honey!" like asking you to buy your own Christmas gift at steep discounts on the day of commerce war. Go big!

Have a safe and happy Black Friday... And maybe next year you'll hum Black Friday to the tune of Earth Angel --- 'Cause that's what good couponers are to their families: Earth Angels.